


open skies

by kathillards



Series: diamonds in the sky [3]
Category: Kamen Rider Wizard
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11441976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathillards/pseuds/kathillards
Summary: Haruto is good at leaving. Mayu envies him for it. Or resents him, maybe. She’s never sure where the line is these days. ―- Mayu, regrets, revenge, and the steps towards healing.





	open skies

**Author's Note:**

> the lack of mayu-centric fics in this fandom is a crime against me, personally,

**open skies**

you’re a sweet, sweet girl  
but it’s a cruel, cruel world

—- _what katie did, the libertine_

.

Haruto is good at leaving.

The others don’t mention it. He’ll ride into town on his motorcycle, stop by for donuts and tea, and ride off again the next morning. Every single time, he’ll still be wearing the ring. Rinko and Shunpei exchanges looks, but they say goodbye and say hello as he comes and goes, without breathing a word about it.

Mayu envies him for it. Or resents him, maybe. She’s never sure where the line is these days.

.

“It’s like he’s floating,” she hears Rinko murmur one day, when Haruto has been gone for two weeks. “Just wandering around like that. Drifting. Like Koyomi was his anchor and now…”

She trails off, words hanging uneasy in the draftiness of the store. Mayu shrinks back into the door, watches the heavy sigh dragging down Shunpei’s shoulders, the weary smile on Mr. Wajima’s face as he assures the two of them that Haruto will be okay. Rinko shakes her head, doesn’t notice Mayu slinking away.

Anchors, she thinks, twisting the ring on her finger. That’s what this is. The feeling that she has to stay here, has to fight, because otherwise, it’ll have been for nothing. Misa, her parents, everyone else who died in the White Wizard’s rampage… if she leaves, it’ll mean nothing. She has the power, so she has to stay and fight.

Magic is her anchor. She kind of hates Haruto for not feeling the same way.

.

When she was little, Misa used to tell her, “Don’t get upset when other people don’t feel the way you do, okay?”

Mayu, sniffling, holding back tears because a boy in school had insulted her favorite book series, had asked, “Why not?”

“Because everyone is different,” Misa explained, gently smoothing a tangle out of Mayu’s hair as she braids it down her back. “And you feel things so deeply, Mayu.”

It’s funny, how she’d always seemed so much older and wiser to Mayu, even though they were twins. Misa would smile at her in the mirror and it was like seeing a whole other person, someone she wished she could be.

.

These days, she feels mostly the same way when she looks into a mirror, even though Misa isn’t there anymore. She draws herself up, looks her reflection in the eye, and thinks _I wish I was that person_. The girl strong enough to accept a ring and accept the magic and learn to fight to save herself. She looks like that person, even if she doesn’t feel like it.

It’s a weird sort of disconnect. She’s the Wizard now. Haruto is gone, Fueki is dead, Nitoh doesn’t have his powers. She’s the one left to fight. She’s the one with the power.

So why is it that she still feels so small inside? Why is it that the ring on her finger seems too big for her hand? Why doesn’t the magic running through her body ever seem to settle down?

.

Sometimes, Haruto stops by without announcing it. She runs into him by the bridge overlooking the bay and has to stop to make sure it’s really him. He’s leaning over the bridge, watching the sunlight spark off the water, lost in thought.

The minute he sees her, though, his face brightens into a smile. “Mayu,” he says in surprise, as if _she_ was the one always traveling instead of the one who lived here. “How are you?”

She stares at him. “You’re back.”

Haruto blinks, his smile losing some of its brilliance. “Do you not want me to be?”

Mayu glances at his hand. The Philosopher’s Stone is still there, glinting violet in the sunset. If he notices her scrutiny, he doesn’t let on, but his fingers twitch, just a little.

“I just didn’t expect you back so soon,” she settles on after a moment.

Haruto raises his eyebrows at her. “It’s been two weeks.”

“I know.” Mayu twists her ring around. “You’re usually gone for longer.”

He doesn’t have a reply. She watches the emotions flicker across his face – confusion, and hurt, and a slow sort of realization – but no words materialize, so she takes her leave. The sunset drips slowly over the horizon, and when she looks back, he’s still standing there, staring at the place she had been.

.

At least, she thinks sometimes, when she wants to feel guilty, she hadn’t had to see Misa die.

She’s seen the look Haruto gets in his eyes, whenever he thinks about that day. The haunted loneliness, the horror and pain. He looks at everyone around him like he’s seeing right through them. Seeing another girl standing there, seeing ghosts around the corner. Seeing Koyomi when she’s not there.

Really, she has no reason to be upset that he leaves, after something like that. If she’d had to see Misa die in that eclipse ceremony, she doesn’t know what she would have done. She doesn’t know who she’d be, if she’d been there.

She doesn’t know what she’d have done to the White Wizard, knowing what she knows now, if she’d had to watch Misa die. That it was his fault, all of it engineered for himself, and at the end of it, he took Medusa from her, too. Couldn’t even give her that small measure of satisfaction.

It’s a little unfair, to compare herself to Haruto, but at least, at _least_ , she’d been given this mercy. Her only memories of Misa are her happy and alive. He’d watched Koyomi die.

(On the other hand, she thinks, even more guiltily, he got to watch the White Wizard die, too. She’s learning to move past wanting revenge but some small part of her still wants to know that the man who killed her family suffered for it.)

.

The week after Haruto finally gives up Koyomi’s ring, Nitoh tracks her down in the courtyard of her college campus and asks, casually, “Are you mad at us or something?”

She jumps in her seat. It’s not that she’d been focusing particularly hard on her math equations, but she hadn’t expected him, of all people, to show up here. He’s another one who’s good at leaving, even now that he has his powers back.

“Why would I be mad at you?” she questions, brow furrowing.

Nitoh shrugs and swings his legs over the bench. “Dunno. You haven’t been around lately. Haruto thinks you’re mad at him.”

“I’ve been busy,” she says with a frown. “I started college. I still have to help out Section Zero whenever they run into rogue Phantoms, or when Rinko has a suspicious criminal case.”

He pauses, studying her, and then says, “Didn’t answer my question.”

Mayu sighs. “I’m not mad at Haruto.”

“So, you’re mad at me.”

“No.”

“Rinko?”

“ _No_.”

“Well, it can’t be Shunpei.”

“I’m not mad at any of you!”

Nitoh’s voice softens just a bit when he asks, “Then why are you avoiding us?”

Mayu shakes her head. “I’m not. I just – ” She cuts herself off before she can tell him any version of the truth. Nitoh has a way of reading people, and convincing them to do what he wants, even if he buries it under layers of humor and ego. He and Haruto both share that, although Haruto does it with gentle calm and Nitoh with disarming jokes.

Next to them, she’s only a mage. An apprentice, at best. A few weeks of training under the White Wizard, and it’s not like she’s accomplished anything without the two of them, either. Or without the other mages. Couldn’t slay her own demons. Couldn’t figure out she was being manipulated, when both of them had their doubts about the White Wizard well before her.

Nitoh and Haruto, they’re _wizards_ , and they’re damn good at it. Maybe she is mad at them, just a little, for being so much better and never stopping to help her reach their level.

“Okay, I get it,” Nitoh says loudly, drawing her attention back to him. He stretches out his legs on the bench and plants his hands behind him, looking up at the misty gray clouds above them. “You don’t want to tell me. That’s fine. I’ll just stay here until you feel like talking.”

Mayu stares at him, but he seems to mean it, because he doesn’t move, only flashes her a grin. “Fine,” she says after a moment. “Be my guest.”

Nitoh’s grin widens. “Is it Mr. Wajima?”

“No.”

.

True to his word, he stays there all day. She leaves him for class at one point, and comes back two hours later to find him still sitting there, playing games on his phone. His Griffin familiar is sitting on the table, making noises at him. It squeaks brightly when it notices her walking back towards them.

“It’s almost night,” she tells him, nudging his feet off the bench so she can sit on the same side as him. “You really have nothing better to do?”

“I’m here on a mission,” Nitoh says, scrambling to an upright position and smiling brilliantly at her. “Are you going to tell me what’s got you upset?”

Mayu looks down and rubs her hands together, looking for warmth. It’s not that cold out yet, but she feels a chill anyway. Maybe it’s just the prospect of the truth looming over her head, a cloud about to burst with rain. Maybe it’s just her.

“You both left,” she says quietly. Nitoh’s smile fades away slowly. “And I know it’s not about me, but whenever you’re gone, everyone looks to _me_. And I don’t measure up. To either of you.”

“Mayu,” he begins, but she shakes her head and he stops.

“I want to use this power for good. But I look at you, and Haruto, and I see… people who are so much ahead of me. I know you’ll always come back to save the day, but you still feel free to leave, and travel, and do what you want. And I feel – like I can’t. And then I feel awful for it because…”

“Because you’re the only one left,” Nitoh finishes. Mayu says nothing, watching as he exhales a deep sigh. “You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“But I do have to,” she says, desperately. “I have to do it for myself, and for Misa, and for _you_. Because you didn’t have your powers, and Haruto was hurting so much, and _I had to do it_. And now you have your powers back and Haruto is getting better, and it feels like I’m still in the same place, like I’m stuck.”

Nitoh stares at her for a long, quiet moment, the weight of her words trembling in the air. He doesn’t say anything, like maybe he recognizes, for once, that there’s nothing he can say that will make her feel better.

For a long time, they sit there, and watch the stars slide into the sky. A wizard, a mage, and the whole world beyond them. She wonders what it’s like to be free of magic, the way he had been, once.

.

It’s not that she thinks her magic is a curse. No matter how it had been given to her, magic is a gift, power she needs to keep herself steady in the face of storms, a way for her to learn how to be brave. She loves her magic, she loves being a mage.

But just loving magic doesn’t stop the whispers in her head about how she’s still not good enough, not next to Haruto, or Nitoh, not even compared to the White Wizard’s power, barely above the other mages, barely anything on her own. How she can’t leave, the way they do, can’t get over what happened, the way Haruto did, because without it she’s nothing.

Without the tragedy of her life, she wouldn’t have the strength that she does. If Misa hadn’t been chosen for the eclipse, where would she be?

Who would she be, without the White Wizard? Nitoh doesn’t have that problem. Haruto doesn’t worry about it anymore. Both of them have their closure.

She wonders if it’s selfish, to wish for the same thing they have. It’s not like they haven’t overcome their own tragedies, haven’t suffered enough to get to the point they’re at. It’s not like she’s the only person that the White Wizard wrecked.

Maybe she resents them more for their peace than anything else.

.

Shunpei calls her and asks her to come to Remnants one weekend. Nobody can ever say no to Shunpei when he asks so earnestly, so she packs up her school bag and heads over to the store. She finds Haruto there instead of anyone else, sitting on the couch, a motorcycle helmet in his hands.

“There you are,” he says, standing up when she enters. The bell rings behind her, but she doesn’t see Mr. Wajima or Shunpei or Rinko anywhere inside. “Try this on.”

He tosses her the helmet without any warning. Mayu fumbles a little but she catches it anyway, despite her confusion.

“What for?” she asks him.

Haruto smiles at her. “We’re going on a trip.”

Mayu blinks, not sure she’s heard him right. “We’re – what?”

“Yeah.” He crosses the distance between them, plucks the helmet out of her hands, and plops it on her head. It’s almost a perfect fit. “You and me. You need a vacation, right?”

“Um.” Mayu looks up at him. He certainly doesn’t seem to be lying, but then, Haruto never does. “I can’t just pack up and _leave_.”

“One week, that’s all,” Haruto promises her. “Rinko will call your school and explain. Nitoh and the other mages will be here to take care of any Phantoms or any other problems. Trust me, it’ll help.”

She narrows her eyes, pulling the helmet down to study it. Of course, she’d known Nitoh would tell him about their conversation, but to hear it from Haruto with a smile on his face… “Help with what?”

“Help with everything,” he says. “Help with getting over everything you’ve been through, and everything you lost. Tokyo’s a big city, but even big cities can feel claustrophobic if you spend enough time thinking about all the ways that you’ve been hurt here.”

Mayu glances down at the helmet. Now, she’s noticing the orange geometic designs across the sides, reminescent of their magic spells. “Is that what you did?”

“Sort of.” Haruto slips his hands into his pockets and shrugs. “I took Koyomi with me, when I went. But it helps, I promise. Clears your head. There’s a whole world out there for you learn magic, Mayu. You don’t have to feel stuck here.”

She shakes her head, longing warring with practicality. “Haruto, this is ridiculous. You don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, I do,” he says, and reaches behind her to open the door, where she can see his motorcycle parked out front. “So do you.”

Mayu hesitates a moment longer, but she knows well Haruto isn’t the type to give up on his friends, and the helmet in her hands is becoming a weight, pulling her forward. He holds the door open for her as she steps out, uncertainly, into the light.

“It’s just a start,” he tells her when she’s on his motorcycle, listening to the sound of him revving the engine, watching the open skies above them. “Sometimes, all we need is a new start.”


End file.
